King Arthur and Blisters – South West Coast Path Day 12

Boscastle to Port Isaac

38,000 steps, 2 blisters

“Human walking is a unique activity during which the body, step by step, teeters on the edge of catastrophe…Man’s bipedal mode of walking seems potentially catastrophic because only the rhythmic forward movement of first one leg and then the other keeps him from falling flat on his face.”

John Napier, “The Antiquity of Human Walking (quoted in Wanderlust by Rebecca Solnit)

Part of my intensive preparation for this trip included researching the likely weather. I discovered that March and April in Cornwall have some of the lowest average rainfall. I shouldn’t be surprised; I’ve had enough summer holidays in St Ives to know how much it rains in August.

Boscastle Harbour

The big Boscastle flood was also in August; Monday 16 August 2004. Even though the weather wasn’t too bad elsewhere on the coast, a mass of dark cloud anchored itself above the hills inland, and delivered a month’s rain in two hours. The result was a deluge down the narrow valley that passes through the town, which swept away houses and caravans, and the bridge. Around 50 cars were swept into the harbour. Amazingly, no one died.

The flood was all I knew about the town before arriving here. I now discover that it has other notable features, including a museum of witchcraft.

Boscastle looks lovely in the early morning, a hidden valley bathed in new sunshine. I wish I could stay longer. When I set off, the sky is pastel blue and the sunlight makes the gorse up the valley side glow like amber. There is rain promised later. But I comfort myself with the thought that Cornish weather promises are not always kept.

As I start to climb out of Boscastle, a sign says ‘Tintagel 4m’. The first stretch, after this initial climb, is gently up and down, across fields with patches of mud. The sun is out, although the hillsides show the varied shades of green that bespeak much rain. The sea is a whispering presence below, in a small cove called ‘Grower Gut’. It is a proper coast path here, staying close to the sea, not disappearing into the woods in the way that irritated Sam in north Devon.

My morning’s to-do list

Rocky Valley

After an hour, the Path plunges into Rocky Valley, a place as well named as High Cliff. At the bottom, a woman struggles along the uneven path with the aid of a rough stick. Her male companion walks ahead of her, hands in his coat pockets, offering no help. I take an instant, and unfounded, dislike to him. When I pass them a few minutes later, neither acknowledges me. Nor each other.

Coming out of Rocky Valley, a sign says ‘Boscastle 2 3/4m’ and ‘Tintagel 2 1/4’. Somewhere the sneaky Path has slipped in an extra mile. But the walking is easy and peaceful, apart from a clicking sound from my leg. After a football injury many years ago, I get occasional percussive noises from my knee. These are particularly loud today, as if I have an invisible companion, slapping his palm with a leather belt.


The walk to Tintagel is straightforward. I have looked forward to being here. It’s a place rich in history and legend, mainly concerning King Arthur, who was supposed to have been conceived here.

I know that there are people who probably take inspiration from the stories of Arthur: a noble British king, fighting off invaders from Europe; an inspiring tale for our times. But there is no evidence Arthur existed. The Tintagel castle ruins date from the thirteenth century, and Arthur (if he existed) would have been around hundreds of years earlier. There is however plenty of evidence that the Saxon invaders came anyway (and it’s their descendants, not Arthur’s, who are now rejecting Europe).

You don’t need Arthurian legend to be excited by the sense of ancient history about the site, which was a stronghold in Roman times, and is a dramatic sight, with castle ruins clinging to a rocky promontory. I stop for a while in the the cafe, where I have coffee, and a cheese scone that is so large and craggy, it seems to be modelled on the castle ruins.  I don’t linger long. I am intimidated by what the afternoon holds: again the day has harder walking late on, with a series of steep valleys between me and Port Isaac.

It’s a brisk march across exposed clifftops, in blustery wind, to Trebarwith Strand, where I stop for lunch in the Port William pub. I eat soup and bread, with more coffee, sitting by a window with a view over the bay. Languid waves break a hundred yards out, filling the bay with foam and a breathy haze above the water.

Before leaving, I do a foot-check in the pub toilets. One of my toes earlier filed a damage report, warning of incipient blister. Foolishly, I ignored it and examination now reveals a blister on each foot.

Trebarwith Strand

Over lunch, I heard the man at the next table talking about walkers. “One thing I’ve noticed about the serious walkers,” he said, “they don’t always stop and take in the view. They’ve got their heads down.”

During the afternoon, I know exactly what he means. Simon Armitage, in his memoir of the Path, ‘Walking Away’ recalls being advised by a local that the walk to Port Isaac from Trebarwith Strand is “hard work”. The number of combes to be climbed down and up, he is told, is ‘too many, followed by another three.’

The climb out of Trebarwith Strand is arduous enough, but before I have a chance to recover control of my heart rate and breathing, there is a steep climb down into Backways Cove, followed by an even harder climb out again.

At this point, the rain finally sets in with a seriousness previously lacking. I put on cagoule, overtrousers, hat and gloves. It is impressive how quickly I become soaked through, even with this protection. The rain comes steadily, easing occasionally but always returning, for the next couple of hours. The wind blows the rain directly into my face for most of the afternoon.

For most of the walk to Port Isaac I become one of the heads-down walkers mentioned by the man in the pub.. The Path becomes something to be endured, overcome one panting step after another. The route by now is thoroughly corrugated, a nameless succession of valleys descended and climbed by means of steps and a steep path that becomes increasingly slippery. All thought of scenic beauty is forgotten; as I climb, all I see is the next muddy step up.  I am by now very clear that my boot choice was poor; the lighter pair have given me blisters and the soles keep slipping on the muddy slopes.

At the foot of one valley, I realise I have lost track and don’t know how many more there are before Port Isaac. At least one more, I tell myself, finding that thought strangely comforting. I’m right: there is at least one more. Three, in fact.

At last, I toil into Port Isaac and present myself at my B&B. It’s above an art gallery, and I drip a small pool of water on the gallery floor when I’m let in. It takes a shower, copious hot tea, and some dry clothes before I begin to feel life is worth living again.


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Nietzsche Can Do One – South West Coast Path Day 11

Bude to Boscastle

41,000 steps

The Brendon Arms, Bude


8.30, Thursday. Outside Bude’s Brendon Arms pub, where I have spent the night.  The clouds, which appear to be no more than a few feet above my head, are as grey as the belly of a battleship. My guide book says of today’s walk: “The coast path is easy from Bude to Widemouth Bay, then becomes progressively more difficult, with several short, steep ascents and descents…followed by some rugged, remote paths…”

I have prepared carefully. Accommodation booked, maps studied, rucksack packed with such care that I weighed both pairs of walking boots and found one pair was twelve ounces heavier, so I brought the lighter pair.

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Lenin’s Nurse – New Stories 3

The third recent story was a little darker than the others. It appeared in the online magazine ‘Electric Spec’ towards the end of last year. The title was ‘Lenin’s Nurse: Notes for a Dissertation’.

electric-specThis features the mysterious Elizabeth, from my novel ‘Among the Living’, but takes place a few years after that story ended. It was great fun to write. Not just because of the pleasure of renewing acquaintance with an old character, but also because the story features extracts from a range of historical documents. All made up, of course!

Here is a taster, of the opening paragraphs. You can read the whole story (and plenty of others, all for free) at Electric Spec online.  You can also read a blog post, about the writing of the story, here.

Lenin’s Nurse: Notes for a Dissertation

Chris Barnham


       ‘. . .it was said and printed that the Red Guards. . .had killed some of the ministers in cold blood. . .An astounding jumble of rumours, distortions, and plain lies. All these stories were swallowed whole, even preposterous tales of sacrifice and fanatical Bolsheviks who bathed in or drank human blood, such as the notorious revolutionary fighter referred to as Veta B. . .’
–John Reed, Ten Days that Shook the World, New York, 1919 (uncorrected draft)

“Priceless stuff. Now I see why you stuck at it after Moscow.”

Daniel drapes his flamingo body across the train seat while he reads my notes. He looks like he could be in his usual perch in the senior common room. We are fifteen minutes out of Croydon and already rattling through open countryside beneath steep hillsides furred with trees.

“Everyone said you were losing it. But I told them, don’t underestimate Will’s creativity.”

We shoulder our packs and step out of the train at Penshurst station, descending a ramp onto a quiet country lane. Daniel says, “Your little detour isn’t going to take too long is it, Will? You promised me lunch in the Spotted Dog.”

“The path goes right by the cottage. It won’t delay us much. Even if there’s anyone there.”

“Pity if they’re not. I’ve been looking forward to hearing you explain your, ah, quest.”

It takes us half an hour to walk to the village. Daniel keeps up a constant stream of chatter. Next week he’s playing golf with the chairman of the research grants committee, has he told me about his invitation to that reception at the House of Lords, pity I didn’t get invited, but never mind, it will come.

“Shame your Zoe couldn’t come today,” he says. “Always lovely to see her.”

Lovely, I think.

A hot wind blows into our faces. Whenever we step out of the shade, I feel my skin evaporating in fierce sunlight. I drank a whole bottle of water on the train but my mouth already feels as if it is lined with dry denim.

We don’t pass anyone, which is good. I thought it best to keep away from the roads. We approach Penshurst across fields baked yellow by the August heat and finally through a churchyard. Most of the gravestones around the church are old and faded. Daniel can’t resist reading aloud from the stones. He stops at one and squats.

“Christ! Look at this: the children of Frederick and Martha Cowell. Three of them, all died between May 1876 and February 1877, aged eight years, ten years and six months. Nothing like a bit of history to make you glad you live in the present.”

He walks on and I read the lines of verse at the foot of the Cowell children’s stone:
‘Blessed are the dead, no weal or woe
Can touch them when from us they go
And we that are left long more and more
To join the loved ones gone before’

We emerge into a narrow lane. On the far side there is a wooden gate in a high hedge. Beyond, a gravel path leads between rose bushes to the front of a two-storey house. All of the windows are blind with internal shutters, throwing back the sunlight as if from a mirror.

This is it: the childhood home of Charles Oates….

(Read the rest at Electric Spec.Com)


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Stanley Spencer – New Stories 2

I posted a link yesterday to my most recent story, in December’s Compelling SF magazine.

The second story I want to plug appeared in another new science fiction magazine (exciting times!). This was Phantaxis, which published its first issue in November 2016, and is already onto issue number 3.

phantaxis-magazine-1The magazine is well worth checking out. Over 150 pages, and packed with new fiction for a very reasonable price.

I was so pleased to have a story in the very first edition of the new magazine. It was – I confess – something of an oddity. The title is “How Stanley Spencer Painted the Cookham Resurrection.”

It’s a time travel story. To enjoy it, you don’t absolutely have to be familiar with Britain’s top painter of the 20th Century, and his famous painting (see above), which is currently in the Tate Britain. But it probably helps!

Here’s the opening of the story as a taster. To read it all, you’ll need to check out Phantaxis #1 here.


 By Chris Barnham

 There were three of us for the Spencer Op. The other two were Nancy Prior and Danny Marlowe. Danny and me go back a long way; we’ve both done enough years at the Office that nothing can surprise us, except maybe how long they might make us work for our pensions. Nancy is younger and keener.

“Are you sure I can’t get closer to the action?” she asked as we stashed our things in the lockers before the Jump. The Office’s Darnell Suite has seen better days and the flaking paint on the walls and the chipped tiles in the showers make me depressed.

Showers are necessary, as you know if you’ve ever done a Darnell Jump. Living things have to go separate from inanimate objects. If you’re carrying anything, the Jump won’t work. If you’re wearing normal clothing, it works but you spend the next two days puking up. My advice: go naked and scrub every gram of dust from your body.

Some people get away with a light covering, something natural, like thin cotton. Me, I Jump buffo and I knew Danny did too. I didn’t know Nancy’s preference, but I was hopeful. She was, after all, something of a looker.

“You’ve read the file, Nance.” I closed my locker door. “Case the area round the church. Danny and I do the scouting to flush out the bad guys. Once they see we’re on to them, chances are they clear out. Job done.”

“If they’re even there.”

There’s never any certainty about that, just the usual flaky OffTime intel; rumours that a gang of Christian nut jobs wanted to swipe Spencer and trash his painting. No clue who they were, or how many.

I went first, giving Nancy and Danny a mock salute as I entered the booth. Disappointingly, Nancy had opted for the calico cloak option and looked like a Halloween ghost. Danny wore what his mother had first seen him in, looking a bit cold, I had to admit.

Inside the booth there was a brief flash of violet light and a puff of air in my face, like a balloon popped silently nearby. I lurched sideways, as if the ground had shifted a few inches.

It was a week earlier when Daniels gave me the Op. We were in one of the glass pods the Office used for meeting rooms, and as we spoke I could see the OffTime offices emptying, people grabbing coats and disappearing into the gloaming.

“So this guy’s a painter?”

“Was,” Daniels said. “He died in 1959.”…..

(To read the whole story, and plenty of other fine new SF stories, check out Phantaxis magazine.)

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All That is Solid – New Stories 1

What with one thing and another I’ve neglected blogging and writing lately. So it was pleasing to publish three new stories at the back end of 2016. Over the next couple of days, I’ll post links to where you can find them (mostly for free!).

Here’s the first

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Ten Valleys and a Badger Sett – South West Coast Path Day 10

Hartland Quay to Bude
42,000 steps

imageBy the morning, the rain has disappeared, and the wind has dropped away, giving us unexpectedly pleasant conditions as we set out. The sky is overcast and grey, but there are occasional fragments of blue in the distance, promising better weather later.


My guide book has whetted our appetite by telling us that the route ahead is

“one of the most scenic and dramatic stretches” of the coast path…”but also one of the toughest”.

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Early Musings and Late Penalties – South West Coast Path Day 9

Clovelly to Hartland Quay
30,000 steps

When I returned from the last instalment, I told my good friend Jerry that the next two stages were described in the guide book as ‘moderate to strenuous’ and (oh joy) ‘severe’.

“Oh?” said Jerry, with a tone like I’d just told him Madonna was on the line, at a loose end after her date had cancelled. He was in.

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